Following the confirmation of the long-rumored split between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, reports have surfaced that confirm Affleck is crashing at a nearby Dunkin’ Donuts restaurant for now.
“It’s in the contract we negotiated last year,” said Dunkin’ Donuts CEO David Hoffmann. “In addition to a nice payday for the commercials he did, he wanted to make sure he always had a place to stay if he needed one. It felt like an unusual request at the time so I went for it, but now I guess I’m not really allowed to ask him to leave, am I? Damn. Well played, Affleck.”
In the days following the announcement of Affleck’s divorce, several customers have spotted the Boston native, camping out in a booth or brushing his teeth in the men’s room.
“I came in for a coffee and a snack and I saw Affleck sitting right over there,” said starstruck customer Vinnie Feldman. “I thought they were doing some promotion or maybe filming a commercial or something, but no, Ben was just sitting there in that booth talking on the phone. It looked like he was arguing or something. I really wanted to go get a selfie with him or something, but it looked like he was about to cry so I left him alone.”
As of press time, Matt Damon was spotted entering the Dunkin’ Donuts just before it closed with a case of beer and a sleeping bag.
Maybe he does like Dunkin Doughnuts but why reside there? Surely with his money he could afford an apartment or motel. At the very least, he would have his privacy and get a bath. Maybe he has hopes that she will take him back! Who knows how these kind of people think?
I guess we can surmise who hired the better lawyer(S?), and/or whose publicist is getting more traction. Life in the Pre-Nuptial Lane? LOL
Explains why I will not patronize a restaurant that doubles as a homeless shelter. Is this an adult or a child who cannot figure out how to find a place to live? I now have lost any respect I might have had for him.
This report makes no sense.
He can’t afford an apartment or a house?
And why wouldn’t he be able to crash at Matt’s?
Weird.
Thanks to The Biden / Harris administration, even Ben Affleck cannot afford housing.
Ok. Parody. Cute.
God people are dumb! Cant figure out what a parody is??? Love your site , keep parodying. Is that a word😂? But those comments are rather humorous!!
Oh the irony lol They’re just pretending to not know! lol but you dint Realize that so you’re the one who actually didn’t get it wait are you just kidding too? dammit I fell for it 🤯 you guys are playing 5 th D chess
No wonder Dunkin just came out as Woke.
Dunkin is WOKE like Starbucks?????
Yup.
Matt and Ben are true true true friends…action speaks louder than words !!! Brotherhood
Can we develop an IQ test to keep satire out of the hands of the completely clueless? I worry they will hurt themselves.