Tragedy struck the opening of a new Phoenix sporting goods store earlier today when the man operating the giant scissors used to cut the ceremonial ribbon was crushed by a giant rock, sources confirmed.
“Wow, I can’t believe it actually happened,” said eyewitness Pete Schmidt. “I mean, we all know that a pair of scissor’s biggest weakness is a rock big enough to crush it, but I didn’t think I’d see it play out on this scale, you know? Is that guy okay? He got absolutely smoked by that rock. He definitely lost the interaction. There’s no way around it.”
While undeniably tragic, the circumstances leading up to the man’s unfortunate demise were questioned by witnesses.
“I’m not saying he deserved a death that tragic and absurd,” said fellow witness Jessica Morgan. “But we all know what a pair of scissor’s big weakness is, and that’s rocks. I wouldn’t have held onto a pair of scissors that large anywhere near the rock formations we have out here. You’re just asking for trouble.”
As of press time, authorities had wrapped the giant rock up with a giant sheet of paper to prevent any further violence.
Poor guy, at least he learned his lesson, he will never cut another ribbon !!
Rock
Paper
Scissors
OK, I get it, good story
If only they had wrapped the rock first! In the future if approaching a rock with scissors, wrap first!
BOLOGNA….WHAT A CROCK….
Rates high on the bullshit scale.
It’s rock, not crock. and what’s bologna have to do with it? Stay on topic ya dam democrat
Is this a joke? Where was he cutting the ribbon, in the wilderness instead of a new building. In front of a big rock on the road or on a mountain. Being crushed by a large rock or hit by a rock is not funny. A small rock can kill. People used rocks to kill people for centuries. Is this a joke?
No joke! It’s phoenix! The rock capital of the world! They’re everywhere out there. People climb on rocks and they roll over and crush them all the time. It’s a dangerous world we live in
We must ban all assult rocks, for the children. Why would anyone need that big of a rock? Why does anyone need more than 10 pebbles for their sling shot?
No video?