President Biden has declared an offshore drilling ban to ensure peace for submarine races, sources have confirmed.
In a surprising pivot from energy policy to environmental entertainment, Biden cited the need for “calm seas and quiet oceans” to facilitate what he called “the most underrated spectator sport.”
During a press conference held on a Navy destroyer, Biden explained, “Nothing ruins a good submarine race like an oil rig in the way.” The decision, he said, was also influenced by complaints from submarine captains about noisy oil drills disturbing their stealth maneuvers.
The ban, which has baffled economists and delighted marine enthusiasts, is expected to dramatically reduce U.S. oil production but promises to boost the underground submarine racing circuit—a niche hobby among naval officers and eccentric billionaires. Critics argue the move may increase reliance on foreign oil, but Biden reassured the public, saying, “We can’t hear the submarines when there’s drilling, folks.”
Environmental groups have cautiously applauded the decision, though some suspect the real motive is to prevent Vice President Harris from hosting offshore wind farm regattas.
As of press time, Las Vegas bookies were already taking bets on the next submarine racing world champion, with odds favoring a vessel ironically named “Deep State.”
Biden needs a calm place to reside, like an Alzheimer’s unit……we know he’s ill, it’s so obvious he’s not running the country. He can’t remember much and can’t find the end of a staircase. Sad but outrageous. It’s just appalling we allowed him to stay in our cherished white house. Elites at work once again. The world has been watching along with all Americans. Just leave quietly Biden.
Biden believes he’s a BIG shot, but really a small shot who keeps on shooting!
This, along with more Biden continues to do, are means to slow or keep President Trump from keeping his promises from being kept to the American people. If Joe were serious about these choices he’s made recently? He would have done it months or even years ago.
Biden just wants to ensure that Trump doesn’t succeed! He is a bitter, angry, and vindictive little man. He failed at just about everrything he has touched! Give up the Ghost already Scrooge.
O’bummer is controlling his puppet biden to do these things
Pop culture note: “Watching the Submarine races” was a common verbal excuse for making out in a car during the 1950s.
It’s essential we stop using fossil fuels, which means stop drilling for oil. What. It’s not hot enough for you yet? Not enough catastrophic weather events? Not enough fires? Record-breaking hurricanes, tsumnamis, & tornadoes? (And don’t expect me to want to use my tax dollars to pay for insurance coverage for your house)..Whatever the reason he gave, the important thing is he managed to briefly slow down Trump’s efforts to burn up the planet.