Following several other controversies this month, Boeing announced earlier today that from now on every single passenger on planes of theirs should be comfortable with the responsibilities of sitting in an emergency exit seat, sources have confirmed.
“Look, an emergency exit is never part of the plan,” said Dave Calhoun, CEO of Boeing. “But it’s important to be prepared. And that’s why moving forward we just think it would be good if every single passenger on our flight were prepared for the event that chunks of the plane start flying off and you know, you might have to help some people out. I don’t think we’re asking anything too crazy. We’re just saying if it all starts falling apart up there.”
The announcement comes following weeks of unflattering headlines for Boeing.
“I can’t keep up, frankly,” said Al MacIntosh, a passenger on an upcoming Boeing flight. “I got a great deal on my ticket to Dallas next week, I figured because of their planes falling apart and whatnot, but I don’t know if I’m prepared for the responsibility that comes with sitting in a potential exit seat. I’m just trying to save 50 bucks here, I’m no hero.”
As of press time, everyone contacted for this story had suspiciously been found dead.
