A passenger on a recent Southwest Airlines flight that was overheard complaining about the lack of legroom in the Boeing plane he was riding on has been found dead under mysterious circumstances, sources have confirmed.
“Oh, that’s really too bad,” said Dave Calhoun, president of Boeing . “First a former employee-turned-whistleblower that was testifying about our unsafe practices turns up dead in his car and now this. Such bad luck for people speaking out against us. I know how this looks, but I assure everybody it’s a coincidence. Just a huge coincidence.”
Despite its implausibility, many locals seem to believe Boeing’s official recounting of the incident.
“It’s sad, but the dead guy can’t really tell us what happened,” said said concerned local citizen Mitch Burgess. “So we really have no choice but to believe the representatives at Boeing. Some people are saying that this is the most blatant cover up of a murder they’ve seen since Epstein, but not me. I’m too fucking scared to say anything bad about Boeing! I’m sure they’re all very upstanding individuals acting well within the confines of the law!”
As of press time, the author of this story had mysteriously vanished.
His knee-caps were found in his nostills!