California Mayor Busted As Chinese Agent — “But At Least She’s Not Trump,” Say Democrats

SAN FRANCISCO — California Democrats rushed to defend Mayor Eileen Wang after federal prosecutors accused her of secretly working as an agent for the Chinese Communist Party, explaining that while foreign influence is bad, it becomes much less bad when the suspect has never worn a red hat, sources have confirmed.

According to officials, Wang promoted pro-China talking points at the request of Beijing officials, because nothing says “local governance” like taking notes from Xi Jinping between zoning meetings and vegan potlucks.

“This is a nothingburger,” said one progressive strategist while deleting 400 old posts about Russian collusion.

“Sure, she may have amplified communist messaging, but Trump coughed weirdly on Truth Social last week. That’s the real threat to democracy.”

Pundits quickly clarified Wang was not a foreign agent, but a “cross-cultural narrative ambassador with unfortunate indictment energy.”

Local activists praised her as a trailblazer, noting that Trump trying to stop China from buying American farmland is “dangerous nationalism,” while a California official carrying water for Beijing is “nuanced globalism.”

Critics were immediately denounced as xenophobic for noticing the indictment, racist for reading it, and fascist for asking whether public officials should maybe avoid taking propaganda tips from communist regimes.

As of press time, Wang was practicing her “I was just being culturally sensitive” speech while California Democrats blamed the scandal on systemic Trump coughs and insufficient high-speed rail funding.