The same leftists who spent years demanding “common sense gun reform” are now bravely explaining that armed revolutionaries are actually fine as long as they have the right bumper stickers, sources have confirmed.
The clarification came after several progressive commentators discovered that guns, previously described as evil death machines, can become “tools of community empowerment” when held by someone who says “equity” at least twice before loading them.
“Guns are bad when owned by rural dads, grandmas, veterans, small business owners, or anyone who knows what caliber means,” explained one activist while unveiling a new program called Background Checks For Thee, Tactical Vests For Me.
“But if the gun is carried by someone with a Mamdani poster and student debt, that’s democracy in motion.”
Democrats quickly updated their official platform to explain that Americans have no right to defend their homes, but select left-wing groups may defend “the revolution,” “the vibe,” and “whatever we just broke.”
Chicago officials praised the nuance, noting that despite having enough gun laws to wallpaper Wrigley Field, the city’s violence problem could finally be solved by making sure only politically approved people are armed.
Experts called the position “morally consistent,” assuming morality now means losing an argument and changing every rule mid-sentence.
As of press time, Democrats had announced a new gun safety plan requiring all firearms to be confiscated from citizens and redistributed to activists with verified pronouns.
The crime and violence problem in most big cities could be solved by banning democrat, liberal, WOKE snowflakes from having guns.
Ummm, really? Criminals pay no attention to laws and easily manage to get guns.
The crime and violence problem in most cities could be solved by liberal, woke, snowflake democrats simply taking stock in themselves and deciding that they honestly and truly want to improve their own caliber and scope and no longer languish at the bottom of the barrel. I would suggest a good start would be for them to simply bolt down to the library to pick up and read a good educational magazine.
I can’t believe I missed saying “ pick up and rifle through a good magazine !”
At any rate, I hope my quip hasn’t triggered anyone !
This is much like the Democrats thoughts on how to over turn Supreme Court rulings here in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Throw out the ENTIRE court and put in people sympathetic to the views of Democrats.
The only “encouraging” thought is that they will emulate Tampon Tim and shoot themselves in the foot, or their mouth, or their ass… or all of the above.
It seems like the Democrats, the Woke and the Liberals want the criminals and the insane to have any type of gun they chose…The normal, law abiding citizen, it seems, is always at a disadvantage when dealing with this type of rhetoric…Like years ago, take away the law abiding citizens right to bears arms and ONLY the criminals will have the guns…Kitchen knives kill, too…Let’s ban kitchen knives…The Democrats have gone down a slippery slope, but, unfortunately for us, they will survive……………
I am tired of their arrogant stupidity. I am ready to remove them as a party and as a threat.
Come on Joe, you missed out a Leftist category who fits the bill, the Pimps4palestine and Whores4Hamas who march, terrorise and burn in solidarity with so-called “palestine” to “Globalise the intifada” and finish off us Joooozz who control everything, apart it seems, from the oil, the media, China, the religion of cuddly kittens, the cities, California, the weather, the univershitties, and of course the world supplies of nose-rings and hair dye.