Bogotá, Colombia — Colombian Socialist President Gustavo Petro announced Tuesday that his government will suspend all intelligence sharing with the United States sources have confirmed.
The far-left leader accused President Trump’s administration of “imperialist harassment” after U.S. naval forces seized several tons of “Colombian confidence powder” during Operation Snowplow, an anti-trafficking campaign in the Caribbean.
Petro defended the drug trade as “a proud part of Colombia’s cultural heritage,” unveiling a new tourism slogan:
“Visit Colombia — Stay Up for Days.”
He further demanded annuities for “emotional damage inflicted on narco-workers” and proposed that future cocaine shipments be labeled “organic, non-GMO, fair-trade stimulants.”
A progressive activist, speaking on condition of anonymity while sniffling behind a ficus, warned that “if Trump keeps this up, millions of liberal arts students may face severe concentration loss, emotional collapse, and an urgent need for nasal reconstruction.”
When asked for comment, Trump said, “Under my administration, the only white powder we want to deal with is from the sand traps on hole 13.”
He then promised to “hit them harder than Miami nightlife.”
A White House spokesperson added, “We’ll continue to fight cocaine wherever it hides — unless Hunter finds it first.”
As of press time, Petro was reportedly drafting a U.N. resolution to classify cocaine as an “endangered species” and was spotted testing export samples “for diplomatic research purposes.”
Lol
I say good.
Send them every Columbian illegal . Then we won’t have to monitor their terrorists actions as much.
Same with the rest of them. Mexico needs their people back And we need to be paid for their upkeep.
The drugs will not stop until Americans reach for the God of Heaven. Until then China and all of the other nations will continue to supply the drug death to Americans It is their sure fired way of getting rid of Americans . Just like the putrid indoctrination of Americans into the stupid realm of insanity
If the cocaine would stay within their sovereign borders, there would be no problem. But once it comes out, no matter what the movement type, it is fair game for destruction.