WASHINGTON: Democrats descended into reality-show chaos Tuesday over whether to address household bills or spend another election treating LGBTQ Americans like campaign accessories, sources have confirmed.
AOC arrived carrying an overdue electric bill and asked whether anyone could turn it into a culture-war issue.
Ed Markey suggested accusing the refrigerator of chilling marginalized voices.
Claire Valdez proposed rent control for the refrigerator.
A producer rang a bell.
“Excellent television. Nobody’s helped yet.”
The party’s new reality show, Keeping Up With the Constituencies, featured lawmakers competing to mention struggling families without discussing what anything costs.
One contestant nearly won before accidentally answering a mortgage question.
He was eliminated for breaking character.
Trouble escalated when a gay father asked about his grocery bill.
“We hear you,” declared a strategist, handing him a rainbow campaign graphic.
“Can I buy eggs with this?”
“Please stop reducing your identity to breakfast.”
Meanwhile, parents requesting affordable childcare were directed to a focus group studying which slogan would make their existing childcare bill feel more inclusive.
AOC demanded concrete action.
Staff delivered a concrete podium.
Markey announced they were finally building something.
As of press time, Democrats had agreed to address affordability immediately after consultants finished determining which Americans were polling well enough to deserve some.
