RICHMOND, VA — Democrats were forced to hold an emergency ethics seminar this week after Virginia Sen. Louise Lucas allegedly violated the first rule of progressive politics: never get high on your own supply, especially when the supply has labels, receipts, and a federal warrant attached, sources have confirmed.
Party officials say Lucas became confused after years of watching Democrats successfully turn every scandal into “a threat to democracy,” reportedly assuming this also worked on hemp products, redistricting maps, and FBI agents wearing body armor.
“This is a misunderstanding,” said one aide while frantically hiding a whiteboard titled How To Win Elections Using Totally Normal District Shapes.
“Senator Lucas was simply empowering communities through plant-based fundraising and interpretive compliance.”
The situation worsened when Democrats realized Elizabeth Warren had somehow sold Spirit Airlines stock with the precision of a woman whose financial advisor is either clairvoyant or hiding inside a Bloomberg terminal.
Progressive leaders quickly reminded the public that “no one is above the law” remains a sacred principle, provided “no one” means Donald Trump, Trump’s lawyers, Trump’s voters, or a guy in a pickup truck with a suspicious bumper sticker.
At press time, party leaders announced a new anti-corruption campaign called “Don’t Get Caught,” which immediately tested well with donors, consultants, and everyone holding a folder marked Do Not Subpoena.
In my early life I was a Democrat. After I enlisted in the Air Force and had served a couple years, reality slapped me in the face and I registered as a Republican. Retired and now living in California, I left the Republican party due to it’s lackadaisical ineffectual actions in a state that would allow proven liars like Eric Swalwell and Adam Shiff to be elected – REPEATEDLY!! I am now registered as an Independent.
I’m very sure the majority of registered Democrats are good people. However the ones that keep getting elected leave much to be desired. The created hyperbolic deceit continuously thrust onto the Californian population has gone on for so long it’s now ‘Business as Usual’. Insider trading seem to be the norm. Nancy Pelosi is worth over 200 million dollars on a Representatives salary. How does that happen??
I truly hope that something can be done. California has devolved into a Third World country and has now become know to its tax paying residents as Kalifornication. God Help Us!!