TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Following his disastrous and widely mocked campaign for President of the United States, a disheveled and unshaved Ron DeSantis was spotted lobbying for the role of President of his local bowling league, sources have confirmed.
“Well, we didn’t quite get it done in the general [election],” said DeSantis, the 46th Governor of Florida. “And I more or less cemented my status as a clown who tried to take on Donald Trump and shot himself in the foot at every opportunity. But, I think if I can count on your vote in the election next week, we can get this league cleaned up. Get everyone to start showing up on time and taking this thing seriously, you know?”
Despite his celebrity status, DeSantis had a steep climb ahead to win the election.
“Ron’s fine, but there’s just no comparing him to our incumbent, Tom Dixon,” said Gene Willmore, a longtime member of the bowling league. “He’s wildly popular, hooks us all up with free beer, and doesn’t take any shit from the [birthday] parties on the other side of the lanes. The only thing I know about Ron is that I saw him eating chili with his bare hands the other day. He kept yelling ‘Ooh, ooh, that’s hot!’ but he just kept going. I don’t think I trust my bowling league in his burnt up hands, you know what I mean?”
As of press time, DeSantis was spotted pleading with the bowling alley to let him wear the special custom shoes he’d brought.
