Ian Sams, Biden’s former spin doctor and current human fog machine, arrived at the House for the autopen scandal hearing, sources have confirmed.
The device, a robot pen allegedly signing laws and pardons, has sparked outrage on the right and worship on the left.
Sams defended the autopen as “a frontline worker,” unveiling a PowerPoint titled The Autopen: A Hero’s Journey featuring stock photos of rainbow ink.
He claimed Biden consults with “all his pens, including the invisible ones he talks to at breakfast.”
Democrats applauded, with AOC suggesting the autopen deserves hazard pay and Hillary Clinton proposing a Pencil Tax “to stop erasing marginalized voices.”
Republicans, meanwhile, were left slack-jawed.
“We’ve gone from ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’ to ‘the pen is mightier than the president,’” muttered James Comer.
The hearing derailed further when the autopen refused to testify without its attorney, a Montblanc fountain pen in a second hand Uni-Ball hoodie.
Sams ended his testimony by insisting the autopen had personally marched at Selma, written the Affordable Care Act, and was currently “transitioning into a washable marker” as part of its truth journey.
Democrats gave a standing ovation, wept openly, and attempted to enroll the device in an unlimited ink refill program.
As of press time, the autopen has announced its 2028 candidacy under the slogan “Ink You Can Believe In.”
It’s amazing the arrogance of these people . Every person in Bidens Administration including this moron that claims to be a doctor. All of them including every republican . Put our country in extreme danger ! For 4 long miserable years we watched as the most insane brain dead people orchestrated our destruction. And they totally destroyed the education system Now nothing comes out of that evil place that can even read
Biden was demented long before they pushed him into our house. Alzheimer’s takes 12-15 years to get to his final stage . Now they think we are fools that think he recovered by leaving the White House. Think people ! Only 11 people at his rallies And 9 of them were reporters who sacrificed America at the alter of their treasonous actions .
One thing for sure ! If the mainstream media’s are not removed. There may not be but a handful of Americans left with more than two brain cells. It appears America needs a bleaching out of the idiots in our entire government.
Just look at what they throw out for New Yorkers to vote for. And Newsom single handily destroyed the entire state of California . And Supreme Court Justice John Roberts gave us the Illegal half blacks Obamacare that destroyed our health care. And democrats well , their thirst for power at any cost . Gave us terrorists and morons and millions of illegals and debt beyond belief . Throw in the moron putrid vile judges and it is total disaster
This is just the tip of what they have done and are still doing
All I can say is . I miss the America that had people who were real Americans and Men were real men .Not pink panty wussies ! And not one person living knew or had anything to do with slavery . And women were real mothers not killers. And children were allowed to be children playing and being outside in the fresh air without a pervert snatching them . And America actually had a good history . If you don’t think so then you are a fool. Why ? Because every body in the world came here to take what our ancestors died for and we created. Nobody takes vile crap.
I cry for those who are going to live through the hell these people have inflicted upon our nation. And I am glad I am old and ready to go home.
Well said, and sadly these Democrats still have lots of supporters, money and power, enough to continue destroying our country.
Very well stated. Thank you. I am over 80 years old and sorry too for the young people who have to live with what’s coming!
This is a hell of a stain – an ink blotch that is ruining the fabric of our lives.
We can get the real America back, the America that flourished in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s after WW2. We have the power thru our votes. If we elect patriotic, honest officials to all levels of government (federal, state and local), the America we long for can return, strong and more beautiful than ever.