MINNEAPOLIS — A man convicted in the Feeding Our Future fraud scheme reportedly shouted his innocence this week after being sentenced to additional prison time for trying to bribe a juror with $120,000 in cash, insisting the money was not a bribe but “nutrition assistance for the justice system,” sources have confirmed.
The courtroom fell silent as Abdiaziz Shafii Farah allegedly explained that the thick bag of cash delivered to a juror was merely part of an innovative outreach program called Feeding Our Verdict.
“This was not corruption,” said one defense consultant.
“This was community-based jury nourishment using culturally responsive envelopes full of taxpayer-adjacent money.”
Prosecutors disagreed, noting that most innocent people do not deliver six figures in cash to someone deciding whether they are guilty, unless their legal strategy was designed by a raccoon in a casino parking lot.
Minnesota officials immediately assured the public that fraud is extremely rare, despite a growing stack of indictments, convictions, missing funds, and enough “oversight gaps” to park a school bus inside.
Gov. Tim Walz was reportedly unavailable for comment because aides were busy explaining that fraud is not fraud until someone from a Republican state notices it.
Sources say the defendant remained confused by the sentence, asking whether the judge had considered the cash might have been intended to feed democracy, strengthen equity, and help one struggling juror afford a more flexible opinion.
As of press time, Minnesota had announced new anti-fraud safeguards requiring future bribery attempts to be labeled clearly as “not a bribe” before being ignored by five agencies
You, men and women, at dailyskrape are seriously into these fraudsters heads!
Keep up the humor tinged with so much truth that sickens we PATRIOTS.
Can’t we just make a deal with Canada and trade them Minnesota for Alberta? Of course Canada would be getting the short end of the deal so we might have to throw in NY or VT also. Besides leaving the southern border open, the biggest immigration mistake was taking in all those corrupt Somalis, including their princess Ilhan Omar. At least we didn’t elect that Putz Tim Waltz Vice President.
Have to wonder if Kamalala’s opinion of Walz has been impacted by all the revelations of the fraud in his state. Or is she still sailing her boat down the river known as De Nile.
DeNile- that’s a good one
All I can say is, “Help us, Lord!”
Need to stop giving pat
on the wrist
,20 years deduct one year for each million stolen