In a surprising twist of government inefficiency turned inspiration, President Donald Trump suggested that the Small Business Administration (SBA) take over the management of the entire student loan portfolio, following their unprecedented success in accidentally funding millions to children during the pandemic, sources have confirmed.
“After their stellar performance in giving kids all that cash, who better to handle our student loans?” Trump quipped at a recent press conference. The proposal comes on the heels of continuous struggles at the Department of Education to manage student debt, which critics claim has been about as organized as a bingo night at a squirrel sanctuary.
The SBA, which became famous overnight for its creative approach to pandemic relief, appears to be up for the challenge. “We’ve accidentally funded lemonade stands and treehouses, so why not a few college educations?” an SBA spokesperson stated, adding that this could streamline government spending by consolidating ‘accidental’ payments.
While the Department of Education has not commented on the proposal, insiders suggest that officials are eagerly looking forward to offloading their responsibilities and perhaps even attending a few management classes themselves—taught by kindergarteners.
As of press time, kindergarteners were seen gearing up to host webinars on effective government spending, sponsored by the SBA.
