Gavin Newsom Declares Himself Literary Genius After Buying 67,000 Copies of His Own Book

In a stunning display of literary achievement that puts Shakespeare to shame, California Governor Gavin Newsom has officially become a bestselling author after his campaign spent $1.56 million buying and handing out 67,000 copies of his own memoir to PAC donors, sources have confirmed.

The groundbreaking masterpiece Young Man in a Hurry: A Memoir of Discovery instantly shot to the top of the charts because nothing screams “authentic writer” like forcing your supporters to take a copy of your book in exchange for campaign cash.

Two-thirds of all print sales came from this brilliant grassroots effort, proving once again that the free market is no match for a well-funded vanity project.

Publishing experts were left speechless.

“For that kind of money we could have printed actual literature,” one said.

“Instead we got 67,000 copies of Gavin staring at himself in the mirror for 300 pages.”

Newsom’s team proudly announced the book “more than paid for itself,” which is socialist-speak for “we turned donor money into a bestseller list appearance and still have plenty left for hair gel.”

As of press time, Newsom was reportedly hard at work on his next bestseller, How I Saved California While Looking This Good, available for any donation of $5 or more — because nothing says “man of the people” like charging supporters for the privilege of owning your autobiography.