NEW YORK, NY — Progressive city officials reportedly solved America’s affordable-housing crisis Monday after discovering it was considerably easier to redefine the word “affordable” than to actually make apartments affordable, sources have confirmed.
The breakthrough came after officials were informed that low-income apartments were sitting empty while desperately poor Americans still couldn’t afford them.
“That’s impossible,” one housing commissioner said.
“The spreadsheet says they’re affordable.”
A homeless man was brought in to inspect the spreadsheet.
He still couldn’t afford the spreadsheet.
Officials immediately formed the Department of Explaining Why This Is Someone Else’s Fault.
Within 45 minutes, investigators had identified capitalism, landlords, corporations, Republicans, developers, wealthy people, insufficient government funding, excessive government funding from the wrong government, and one suspiciously prosperous guy named Gary.
The actual rent survived questioning.
Mayor Mamdani’s affordability team then unveiled its revolutionary economic formula:
$3,685 apartment + AFFORDABLE sticker = affordable housing.
“Can a poor family pay $3,685?”
“That’s an unnecessarily hostile interpretation of affordability.”
Officials stressed that socialism remained committed to making wealthy people share their wealth.
A reporter asked whether wealthy politicians, celebrities, activists, consultants, and donors would also be sharing theirs.
The press conference briefly lost electrical power.
City Hall later announced a comprehensive five-year housing initiative featuring rent freezes, subsidies, committees, tax credits, income bands, applications, lotteries, hearings, studies, task forces, and a downloadable 74-page PDF explaining why applicants still don’t qualify.
One exhausted mother asked whether government could simply make it easier to build more housing.
Six agencies arrived to explain why she needed a permit to ask that.
By sunset, officials declared enormous progress.
The apartments were still empty.
The poor were still looking for somewhere to live.
But AFFORDABLE was now printed in a much larger font.
As of press time, the left’s newest housing strategy remained remarkably simple:
If nobody can afford affordable housing, redefine “poor.”
Like I have been posting, go live in a socialist country before you try telling all of us how great it is. I have, ( Cuba and Venezuela) they are poor, while America is rich.
Yes indeed.
The poor from Cuba, Venezuela, Vietnam, all come to the USA, by hook or by crook.
They hear rumors that the poor in America make more than the middle class in their country. They just want to make sure.
The childish behavior of communist on full display. Change the meaning of the word, don’t really fix anything. They don’t care about you they never did. And now about you the poor. You voted for this now live with it.
Meanwhile The Mayor gave himself a raise!
“ Affordability, “ more correctly described as universal poverty, is achieved by force in Socialist countries. Just like everything else…
In the only handful of Socialist countries I have been to, I have had a total of approximately fifty AK47’s pointed at me in three different countries ! When an AK bullet comes by your head close, you hear the whistle. When it comes by very close, you hear the whistle and the hiss. When it comes by very, very close, you hear the whistle, the hiss and you feel a pop in your ear as you equalize the change in pressure created by the very closely passing round. Of note, I was not in the military or involved in a military action. I was just there experiencing the ways things unfold amongst the instabilities of Socialism !
There is only one reason to push, or accept, Socialist ideology on a free, Democratic society and that is to destroy it !