Governor Gavin Newsom quietly celebrated his latest legislative triumph, the so-called “Utility Accountability Modernization Bill,” also known as SB 254—or as staff jokingly call it, “Newsom’s New Hair Bill,” for the way it’s designed to keep campaign donations as thick and well-conditioned as the governor’s pomade, sources have confirmed.
According to witnesses, the governor raised a glass and introduced what insiders are calling the “Sympathy Surcharge Act”:
A proposal to charge residents an extra $50 a month to help utility companies “heal from the emotional stress of record profits.”
One diner was overheard declaring, “Corporate trauma matters, too.”
Attendees say the mood was electric as executives clinked glasses over wagyu tartare and truffle risotto, discussing new ideas for “compassionate capitalism” and potential legislation allowing taxpayers to cover corporate income taxes “as a gesture of shared growth.”
When the laughter subsided, Newsom allegedly leaned in and asked, “Is there anything else I can do for a bigger donation next year?”
As of press time, Californians were checking their latest bills to see whether “empathy” now comes with a late fee, or if that’s still waiting on regulatory (Newsom’s) approval.
If it’s from Newsom it should not be called “SB 254…”
It should be called B.S. 254, for the 254th time Newsom has bullshitted California’s taxpayers !
Socialist Newsome
When are people going to have enough of the B.S and drag his hinny through the street and give him the Mussolini treatment in a gas station.
When are people going to have enough of the B.S and drag his hinny through the street and give him the Mussolini treatment.
That would be a sight for sore eyes!