ANNAPOLIS, MD — Months after Maryland officials announced the Key Bridge rebuild contract was canceled, Gov. Wes “Spend” Moore clarified that nobody was fired, the state simply decided to go in another direction: rebuilding the bridge with used popsicle sticks, inspirational slogans, and whatever confidence remains in Annapolis, sources have confirmed.
“This is not a setback,” Moore said while unveiling a shoe-box diorama labeled Future Bridge Maybe.
“This is innovation. Anyone can build a bridge with steel, concrete, engineers, and math. Maryland is brave enough to build one with vision.”
Sources say negotiations with the original contractor collapsed after the company allegedly refused to use “hopes and dreams” as load-bearing materials and expressed concern that “vibes” were not currently approved by the Department of Transportation.
Moore’s office denied the project was delayed, explaining that Marylanders have already adjusted beautifully to hour-long detours, spiritual traffic growth, and the calming experience of aging several years on the commute home.
Transportation officials praised the new plan, noting the popsicle sticks will be locally sourced from school cafeterias, state office freezers, and taxpayer-funded leadership retreats.
Critics accused Moore of bungling another major project, but aides insisted the governor remains laser-focused on Maryland’s future, assuming Marylanders can still afford to live there by the time it arrives.
As of press time, Moore had promised the new bridge would be finished shortly after he leaves office, giving residents a beautiful reward for years of waiting, detouring, and pretending this was all part of the plan.
It’s embarrassing…. I’ve lived here my whole life and watch as this Governor just runs our state into the ground. He and his administration are so inept. But he has one great smile, doesn’t he? He’s totally useless and will bleed our taxpayers dry. Everything Governor Hogan accomplished for the State of Maryland is being ruined. If it weren’t for family in this once amazing State, I’d be heading out of here faster than Less Is Moore spends our money. So sad….
You may not have voted for him but enough of your stupid DEI influenced neighbors did so they got what they deserved.