WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries reportedly suffered a brief software malfunction Tuesday after confidently declaring Democrats were united and ready to win, only to watch two members casually vote with Republicans five minutes later, sources have confirmed.
Jeffries immediately requested Photoshop.
“Can we turn this frown upside down?”
Aides explained Photoshop does not currently repair caucuses.
The Democratic leader then unveiled a giant UNITY banner just as Jared Golden and Marie Gluesenkamp Perez walked behind him carrying GOP voting cards and asking where the snacks were.
“Where are you going?” Jeffries shouted.
“Just exploring bipartisanship.”
“COME BACK HERE.”
Party strategists compared the incident to a psychological thriller where everyone smiles at dinner before quietly changing the locks.
Progressives demanded punishment.
Moderates warned punishment could cost seats.
Republicans ordered popcorn.
Jeffries then announced a “serious response,” causing one Democrat to whisper:
“Are we grounding them?”
Another suggested confiscating committee assignments.
A third recommended pretending the vote never happened.
“That one,” everyone agreed.
Jeffries finally posed for a new leadership photo featuring twelve smiling Democrats and two suspiciously empty chairs.
As of press time, Republicans were still wondering how their best recruitment strategy became simply leaving the door unlocked.
Temu- Obama is what this blow hard is about!
Term limits please!
These clowns are trying to make themselves irrelevant so that they can get re elected!!