Pop superstar Jennifer Lopez was sadly forced to cancel her upcoming world tour this week after a deadly incident with an anaconda at the tour’s first performance, sources have confirmed.
“I can’t believe what I just saw,” said one concertgoer. “She was up there playing a great show, doing all the hits, when halfway through ‘Jenny From the Block’ the biggest snake I’ve ever seen swallowed four of her backup dancers in one gulp! From there it was pandemonium, and I’m lucky I got out alive.”
“At first I thought it was just part of the show,” they added. “But then I realized the whole snake-eating-a-person thing was a little intense for a J. Lo show.”
Lopez’s head of security relayed the message that Lopez had survived but was being held captive in the venue by the anaconda.
“I thought I’d seen everything touring the world for the last decade,” said Hank Stern, head of Lopez’s entourage. “But then I saw a snake the size of a subway car show up at the concert and eat about half of her crowd before capturing her. Poor J. Lo. First, her and Ben [Affleck] break up yet again, and now this.”
As of press time, the unlikely team of Owen Wilson, Ice Cube, and Jon Voight had been dispatched to try to rescue Lopez.
Why didn’t it eat her,?she looks like a tasty treat.
The real reason she cancelled her tour is it was a flop. The woman has been exposed for the phony she is. FYI anacondas are not going to help her.
Why the hell do these performers have to bring on Anacondas and do all this theatrical stuff ?
if their voices were that good like Adele’s they wouldn’t need to do all theatrics.
Adele doesn’t do that and she attracts three generations in her audiences.
I can’t believe people would even pay for this shit.
J Lo’s publicity agent has gone too far this time! Man-eating Anaconda, my ass! She’s still hurting from ‘omitting’ that 2-legged snake from her life! Send him back to acting class, or stick to producing movies, where he belongs!
How convenient. Wasn’t she in the movie Anaconda?
This is disgusting! What were they thinking? Why, why, why would anyone in his/her right mind think that an anaconda on stage would be a good idea?
Sheeple who believe this bogus story & made up nonsense are the same covidiots that line up for the Zionist bio weapon clot shot.
Lots of BS here!