NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s honeymoon with the teachers union reportedly ended after officials discovered that socialism can redistribute money, housing, and blame, but cannot redistribute one student’s reading score to another, sources have confirmed.
The administration immediately unveiled Collective Literacy, guaranteeing every child equal access to words regardless of whether anyone can read them.
Under the new program, failing grades have been abolished.
An F is now Emerging Excellence.
A wrong answer is Alternative Correctness.
Unable to read is Textually Underserved.
Missing homework is Assignment Housing Insecurity.
Teachers became suspicious when administrators instructed them to raise literacy scores without making students read anything difficult, fail anyone, hurt feelings, or acknowledge that answers sometimes have to be correct.
The union finally snapped.
“We endorsed socialism,” shouted one representative.
“Nobody told us math and reading would still exist.”
Mamdani responded by promoting every struggling student to the next grade, instantly improving advancement statistics by 100 percent.
A reporter asked whether the children could actually read better.
“No,” an aide explained.
“But now they can read poorly at a more advanced level.”
Meanwhile, ordinary New Yorkers watched from the back.
First came a whisper.
“Told you.”
Then louder.
“We told you.”
As of press time, City Hall declared the literacy initiative successful after every failing student correctly spelled “equity.”
Communist oriented student excuses now accepted equitably…
“ Mamdani ate my homework ! “
Dogs everywhere rejoice !
When everyone is going to discover that he’s just a fraud? Socialism NEVER WORKED. Why people keep trying to get great results with something that have been always a failure? The more we advance as a society the more stupid we become. I just hope this generation gets their brains back before it’s too late.
It’s all about power and control.
Good bye New York. Home of the dumbest voters on earth.
How is it possible for so many stupid people yo live so close together? New York is a lost cause. You got what you think you wanted, now live with your huge mistake. Idiots.
You are quite correct, Sir. I have to shake my head when I hear people like Lara Trump much too optimistically make the claim “the American people are not stupid”. Unfortunately, many among us are VERY stupid. Only a true idiot could actually believe that a grocer’s suppliers could provide stock at a continued 30% loss. This is like the old Joe Isuzu commercials-everything is free if you pay.
Is it possible to ensure that all NY engineers are working “only” in NY?
And nothing they design is allowed out in the real world.
Mamdani is a death to America muslim first a foremost. Islam is not a religion. It’s an ideology with world domination it’s only goal. If these bastards aren’t stopped we will soon be fighting them in the streets of America.
Mayor Mamdani is just an IDIOT, SOCIALIST, COMMUNIST of NYC because the LIBERALS, ALL DUMB AS SHIT, voted him in. NYC will DIE as a CITY. ” You get what you pay for”‘.
Unbelievably predictable!
Wow. Is there anyone on this thread who has half a clue? One nitwit comment after another.
Sounds like you approve of nyc new methods at education. Congratulations on being and proving libs are morons
Ok, what is so great about the “ Democratic Socialist (Communist) Party” platform that we’re all missing?
Oh, and, please put the $ amount each of the DSP platform ideas will create, save, or redistribute.