ANNAPOLIS, MD — Gov. Wes Moore declared Maryland officially exempt from conventional time after another dispute over redistricting deadlines reminded his administration that calendars contain actual dates, sources have confirmed.
Under newly adopted Wes Moore Standard Time, every government project now has three deadlines: “Soon,” “Eventually,” and “Stop Asking.”
Moore unveiled the system while standing beside a Key Bridge rendering labeled COMING SOON-ISH, explaining that completion dates are “Republican constructs designed to weaponize months.”
Reporters then asked about the Preakness schedule.
“The horses were early,” Moore replied.
When someone mentioned his military medal arriving nearly two decades after his service, aides celebrated it as proof Moore has always been remarkably consistent about deadlines.
The governor’s redistricting office reportedly submitted its latest plans using Maryland’s official new calendar, which contains only three dates:
Today: announce something.
Eventually: do something.
Election Day: blame Republicans.
Problems began when the Oversight Project filed suit and attorneys attempted to introduce something called a “deadline” into evidence.
Moore immediately slammed an emergency button marked BLAME REPUBLICANS, triggering sirens as staffers rushed into the room carrying prewritten statements, campaign signs, and a ceremonial box of excuses.
As of press time, Moore promised to respond within 30 days, sometime between next Tuesday and 2046.
This guy was a POG ( For those who never served in the military POG means People Other than Grunts). He was a desk warmer. Don’t get me wrong we need the support when we are in the field but to award himself chest candy is just wrong. Maryland is just another shit stain state anyways.