BALTIMORE — Mayor Brandon Scott celebrated AFRAM this weekend by rhythmically playing “drums” on a large man’s stomach before later announcing strict new rules explaining that the entire festival grounds were now lava, sources have confirmed.
Witnesses say Scott was all smiles during the stomach-drum portion of the evening, proudly demonstrating Baltimore’s newest public safety strategy: vibes first, consequences later.
But hours later, after reports of minors causing chaos near the festival, the mayor held a press conference and informed young people they could still technically attend, provided they brought an adult and avoided touching the invisible lava surrounding Druid Hill Park.
“This is not a curfew,” Scott clarified.
“This is a youth-centered, equity-based, trauma-informed lava boundary.”
Festivalgoers were confused by the sudden shift, noting the event was held in a public park with no gates, no clear entrance system, and apparently no magical lava sensors.
“I thought kids were just being kids,” said one attendee.
“But I guess kids are only kids when they’re not close enough to interrupt the mayor’s drum solo.”
City officials defended the policy, saying minors were free to enjoy the festival as long as they remained supervised, calm, and preferably several miles away.
As of press time, Baltimore leaders had announced next year’s AFRAM safety plan would include wristbands, more stomach drums, and a giant sign reading “DO NOT STEP IN THE DEMOCRACY LAVA.”
The stupidity every year is on display by the Democrats.
Always wanting to be different and “ special”
An old Japanese proverb rings so true today:
The loudest person, is always the weakest one !
What is AFRAM day? 😱