Miss Universe co-owner “Anne J.” has reportedly vanished after skipping her fraud hearing, instantly transforming from pageant executive to international criminal mastermind, sources have confirmed.
Witnesses say Anne slipped out of Bangkok “like a glamorized Bond villain,” allegedly carrying three suitcases stuffed with prize money, glitter, and possibly receipts from several suspicious donations to Democratic campaigns.
Thai officials noted her escape was “surprisingly stylish for a fugitive,” adding she “definitely practiced this.”
Progressive models in Bangkok immediately rallied to defend her, shouting:
“It’s HER money now!”and“SHE’S LIKE CARMEN SANDIEGO WITH EYELASH EXTENSIONS!”
Some even posed for selfies with her empty chair in court, declaring it a “symbol of empowerment.”
Investigators believe her alleged crimes include online gambling schemes, larceny, and laundering cash “through more pageant sponsorships than any human could plausibly need.”
Pageant experts now warn that Miss Universe may be transitioning into Miss Most Wanted, sparking panic among children everywhere who once dreamed of crowns but are now learning their role models might actually be career criminals.
As of press time… Interpol was reportedly updating her wanted poster to include “sparkles for accuracy.”
Maybe “she” is disguising/transforming as a “he”
I think the left has been working very hard for a long time to make career criminals our children’s role models.