Zohran Mamdani, affectionately known in his district as “Mr. Socialism,” has decided the best way to fight billionaires is to hire one to complete his math homework, sources have confirmed.
According to insiders, Mamdani’s new “Woke Math Initiative” is being quietly funded by a billionaire heiress who insists arithmetic must evolve beyond “oppressive” right answers.
Under the program, multiplication tables have been replaced with “collaborative addition exercises,” and students are instructed to stop demanding that 2 + 2 equal 4 because it unfairly marginalizes 5.
Critics point out the irony of Mamdani railing against capitalist greed while cashing checks from someone who could buy his entire district before breakfast.
But Mamdani dismissed the hypocrisy, explaining, “It’s only wrong when billionaires spend money on things I don’t like.
When they spend it on me, it’s literally wealth redistribution.”
Leaked worksheets from the pilot program include questions such as: If Mr. Socialism gives one fiery anti-capitalist speech while receiving two donations from a billionaire donor, how many principles remain?
As of press time, Mamdani was reportedly carrying a diamond-studded calculator and reminding supporters that the only number that truly matters is the amount on his next campaign check.
good luck NY if you vote for him. businesses will close and people will move. the money people will get the hell out and that muslim asshole will not share his wealth with you. you will have thugs rule you.
Silly, silly – don’t you remember when “new math” was initiated and it was determined “acceptable” that 2 and 2 was 22, and 1 and 1 was 11; or to go higher – 3 and 4 was 34, etc.
What is Mr Socialist going to do with all the empty buildings in New York city after all the companies close up and move out?