Ohio Donors Ditch Tim Ryan After Discovering His Campaign Promises Expired Years Ago, Sources Have Confirmed
COLUMBUS, OH — Major donors across Ohio reportedly abandoned Tim Ryan’s political operation this week after realizing his campaign promises carried a “best if used by” stickers, sources have confirmed.
Former supporters say they opened the fridge of Ryan’s politics only to be greeted by the sour stench of half-finished legislation and a container of “Working Class Values” that had grown a thick layer of mold, clearly sitting longer than a Biden teleprompter pause.
“We checked the date and sure enough, everything he sold us went bad during the Biden administration,” said one donor while gagging and tossing Ryan’s flyer into the trash.
Political analysts at the University of Akron confirmed the spoilage rate of Ryan’s ideas was accelerated by “repeated microwaving on MSNBC” and warned that his policies were “unsafe for human consumption.”
Meanwhile, donors flocked to Ramaswamy’s campaign, praising the Republican hopeful for offering “all-natural, preservative-free liberty” guaranteed to stay fresh for at least a full election cycle.
One supporter even called Vivek “the political equivalent of a freezer full of steak and bourbon that never goes bad.”
As of press time, Ryan was reportedly seen scraping mold off his campaign promises and insisting they were “still good if you cut around the edges.”
Yes Ryan gave us Blacism and protection of murderers and rapists And streets full of paid for by terrorists to Americans who are enemies of their own country. Seems his grocery bags came out of the hot place Trying to find a chilling end. In the end he ended up melted And has to wiped off the floor by good by nutrition. He tried the wrong kind of marketing ! Especially if it were blacks/ illegals killing whites
But his rotten fruit is all the way to the core. And can’t be trimmed around the Genetically Modified edges And is still falling from the trees on campuses. Created dumbed down rotten fruit as it hits the ground .
I doubt his garden of fake and GM/ plastic nutrition ideas will ever recover for thousands of years . It appears there is a whole farm called DP that can’t grow anything as well No one can get past the stink or the rot