SACRAMENTO, CA — Gov. Gavin Newsom announced an emergency crackdown on government fraud by volunteering to personally help California locate billions of taxpayer dollars that somehow disappeared while everybody was busy holding press conferences, sources have confirmed.
Newsom unveiled a giant whiteboard labeled MISSING:
Bullet train.
Infrastructure money.
Fraud losses.
Several deadlines.
Accountability.
“Don’t worry,” Newsom said, adjusting his hair and grabbing a magnifying glass.
“We’re going to find whoever did this.”
The entire room slowly looked at him.
Whistleblowers compared the investigation to having the guy who stole your wallet enthusiastically help check underneath the couch.
One investigator pointed toward an open state vault.
Newsom stepped in front of it.
“Nothing there.”
The investigator moved left.
Newsom moved left.
“Still nothing.”
California officials then introduced a revolutionary anti-fraud system requiring whistleblowers to complete 47 forms, obtain three permits, attend a sensitivity seminar, and apologize for making alleged scammers feel investigated.
Meanwhile, workers beside the unfinished high-speed rail project installed another sign reading:
COMING SOON SINCE FOREVER.
Minnesota reportedly called California afterward.
“Guys,” one official said, “even we think this looks bad.”
As of press time, Newsom promised to recover every missing dollar immediately after investigators stopped asking where they should start looking.
Check newsoms $9,000,000 mansion. Also he and his wife’s bank accounts. That should account for some.
And they’ve the fox is now guarding the henhouse
Check out both Newsomes pockets!!!
Maybe he should look in the giant wine cellar he didn’t remember having… or maybe it’s because his eyesight is foggy.
Talking about using a smokescreen to blind people into thinking these corrupted people like Newscum and other Democrats had nothing to do with the missing funds. CA people are really stupid and keep voting for them. You really cannot fix stupid!
many of us are convinced who we vote for and who gets declared winner is fixed.
After all we voted TWICE to recall newsom and he survived each time ,…really
Just arrest him put him in prison and he’ll find every dime stolen
I totally agree with geek920-09! How does Newscum survive being recalled twice? I have not found one person here in California, who said they voted for him. I sure as hell didn’t!