ORLANDO, FL — Olive Garden became the center of a national voting rights controversy this week after customers learned they may need identification to claim a Never-Ending Pasta Pass, prompting Democrats to suddenly discover that ID requirements are only oppressive when they involve elections, sources have confirmed.
The scandal began when one diner attempted to obtain unlimited pasta without proving who he was, only to be informed that unlimited fettuccine apparently has stricter security standards than a mail-in ballot.
“This is dangerous,” said one pasta activist outside the restaurant.
“Today they ask for ID before rigatoni. Tomorrow they ask people to prove they are themselves before choosing who runs the country.”
Democrat fundraisers were reportedly confused by the outrage, since many of their own high-dollar events require ID, guest lists, security checks, metal detectors, donor records, and someone confirming you are not a Republican with a salad fork.
Critics noted the left often argues that sending a copy of your ID with a ballot could put your identity at risk.
Ordinary Americans responded by asking whether, in that case, maybe sending a ballot without secure verification could put your vote at risk.
Olive Garden executives denied entering politics, explaining that they simply wanted to make sure one man named Kevin was not eating unlimited pasta under 14 different names.
As of press time, Democrats had introduced emergency legislation requiring Olive Garden to accept pasta ballots by mail, with no ID required and extra breadsticks counted after midnight.
I’ll eat at Olive Garden more often.