Russian ghosts are haunting the Baltic Sea, spooking NATO ships, sources have confirmed.
Fishermen and sailors report spectral Cossacks and Soviet apparitions sabotaging nets and whispering “Crimea was ours” on foggy nights.
Right-wing X posts blame “Putin’s paranormal psyops,” accusing Moscow of unleashing undead sailors to destabilize the region.
MAGA influencers claim the ghosts are “ectoplasmic payback” for NATO’s expansion, while DOGE probes spectral sightings for “Kremlin funding.”
Baltic navies deployed sonar to track “phantom fleets,” but found only vodka bottles and ghostly balalaika tunes.
Critics slam Biden’s “weak ghost policy,” linking the hauntings to “liberal appeasement.”
Locals in Tallinn and Riga hold exorcisms, waving garlic and Trump 2024 flags.
As of press time, a ghostly admiral was spotted demanding Latvia’s coastline via Ouija board. (Word count: 128)
Boo!