Sanctuary Cities to Count Pennies, Not Dollars

In a cheeky nod to fiscal responsibility, Attorney General Pam Bondi has announced a groundbreaking budget plan for sanctuary cities: instead of substantial federal aid, these cities will now receive a small bag of pennies, sources have confirmed.

The move, dubbed “Penny Pinching Progress,” aims to highlight the administration’s dissatisfaction with sanctuary policies while literally counting pennies as federal contributions.

“Every penny counts, and that’s exactly what they’ll be getting,” Bondi stated in a press conference, where she unveiled a velvet sack labeled “Federal Funding.” Inside, reporters found exactly 100 pennies, each shining as a symbol of the minimal support sanctuary cities should expect moving forward.

Critics argue this is a petty and inadequate approach to serious fiscal needs, but supporters hail it as a clever jab at cities defying federal immigration laws. “If they want to act like loose change, we’ll fund them with loose change,” one supporter quipped on social media, where the hashtag #PennyForYourSanctuary has gone viral.

As of press time, city officials from various sanctuary cities were seen searching couch cushions and street corners, hoping to scrounge up enough change to fund their budgets.