BEIJING — Researchers studying a peculiar mushroom species that reportedly causes people to see tiny human-like figures were stunned this week after several prominent socialists insisted the little people had been advising them on public policy for years, sources have confirmed.
Scientists initially dismissed the sightings as hallucinations. That theory quickly collapsed—much like a five-year plan drawn up on a cocktail napkin.
“We’re no longer convinced they’re hallucinations,” one bewildered researcher admitted.
“Some of these policy proposals have been showing up in speeches, and frankly, they have the same level of detail.”
According to sources, the miniature advisers whisper slogans from inside briefcases, coffee mugs, and occasionally oversized blazer pockets.
“They keep telling us big prizes come in small packages,” one tiny consultant reportedly squeaked, adjusting a thimble-sized beret.
“Also, everyone deserves smaller doors, free ladders, and complimentary treehouses. Mostly treehouses.”
Witnesses say another strategist repeatedly shouted, “Now you see me, now you don’t!” before vanishing whenever anyone asked who was paying for anything.
Observers note the figures favor plans involving free housing, transportation, groceries, snacks, and vibes—while avoiding receipts or arithmetic.
“They go silent when budgets come up,” one economist said.
“One fainted at the word ‘deficit.’ Another tried to unionize my calculator.”
Researchers attempting interviews were instead handed a 900-page plan written entirely in crayon and glitter.
As of press time, officials were reportedly considering allocating funding for a nationwide treehouse initiative after several consultants emerged from a briefcase chanting in unison.
Those aren’t hallucinations – those are facts based on nothing. And nothing is what occupies the space between their ears.
Those are just fairies from Never- Neverland. And since most if not all liberals aka Communists are as queer as a three dollar bill that explains a lot of their positions on things.