In a moment of pure enlightenment that left social justice warriors weeping into their oat milk lattes, Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr finally experienced his Great Woke Awakening after his own players staged a full locker room intervention demanding he shut the hell up about politics, sources have confirmed.
The once-beloved coach, known for turning every timeout into a TED Talk on socialist America, why liberals are always right, and how President Trump is to blame for everything including missed three-pointers, reportedly broke down in tears when his millionaire players begged him to coach basketball instead of preaching woke gospel.
“We can’t take another sermon on how we’re all oppressors while we’re down 20 in the fourth,” one anonymous star was overheard saying.
According to insiders, the Warriors locker room has devolved into a nonstop group therapy session complete with safe spaces, emotional support therapy dogs, and mandatory pronoun circles, that nobody asked for.
Kerr, devastated that his team cruelly suggested he focus on X’s and O’s like some kind of actual NBA coach, announced he may quit rather than “betray his values” by winning games without lecturing everyone about Donald Trump.
Team sources say the players are exhausted from years of guilt trips and now just want to play ball without being told they’re part of the patriarchy every time they miss a free throw.
As of press time, Steve Kerr was last seen huddled in the fetal position wearing a “This Is What Allyship Looks Like” T-shirt, whispering “I did it for the culture” while his players celebrated their first drama-free practice in years.
Leave politics out of sports!
Like Trump, Stevie never served in America’s military.
About time! Bring in Draymond Green as new head coach!
Classic! Kerr is the GOAT of wokeism. People like Kerr have been sequestered from the real world so long that he literally is blinded to his delusional worldview. I guess he has too much white guilt still to atone for.