Today the Supreme Court controversially banned all bump stock modifications on semi-automatic firearms, except for instances in which a network of terrorists have kidnapped your daughter, sources have confirmed.
“It happens more often than you might think,” said Justice Clarence Thomas, who lobbied to protect the rights of jacked dudes with abducted children. “Retired mercenaries are often just trying to live a nice, quiet life in the woods with their family when next thing you know, yoink! I don’t think it’s fair to deny these one-man armies the tools they need to put their families back together, do you?”
Opponents of the law said it gave the revenge-stricken too much firepower.
“I got news for you, these guys are just waiting for a chance to get back into some action,” said Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who opposed the kidnapped-daughter exception to the bump stock ban. “Why do you think they have bunkers filled with grenades and Gatling guns? These guys are bored out of their minds and have itchy trigger fingers. I don’t think we should enable them any further.”
As of press time, the Supreme Court had made a similar ruling concerning bazookas.
You do realize that the bump stock ban was shot down by SCOTUS right?? I’m clicking the spam button on your horseshit ONION style on nonsense.
These articles are fabricated humor around real current events. Of course it is nonsense. I have to say it gives me a good chuckle every morning though. The “real” media out there is bought and paid for, meaning they do not report to us the truth or total news. They only tell us what “they” want us to believe.
this is satire
Damn, it. I’m limited to high explosive rounds for my artillery. Now I can’t use phosphorus rounds on my neighbors who refuse to fly the American flag upside, down. For God, of course.
You would think congress would just tax the shit out of it like they do with all the other great ideas.
Satire or spare tire? You be the judge… it’s just a common sense gun law. I never leave my tank idling out in the street while I reload. What would the neighbors think?
I love it, now I just need to make sure the thugs know where I am so that I can use bump stocks legally. Oh wait, I only have sons…….