Swalwell Campaign Insists Candidate Is Real, Just Too Busy To Appear In Real Time

California gubernatorial candidate Eric Swalwell’s campaign clarified this week that the congressman remains fully available to voters, provided they do not expect him to answer questions live, in person, or in any format that could be interrupted by reality, Sources have confirmed

According to his attorney, Swalwell has simply been “busy” campaigning, spending time with family, and exercising his right to remain strategically unavailable.

Reporters, however, noted that his recent public appearances have consisted almost entirely of tightly edited videos, carefully staged family photos, and statements released with the emotional spontaneity of a firmware update.

Sources inside the campaign say staff have now adopted a media strategy known as “plausible visibility,” in which Swalwell remains technically present but never directly reachable.

Several journalists reportedly grew suspicious after one prerecorded message blinked twice, froze for half a second, and ended with the phrase, “Eric Swalwell thanks you for your concern.”

The campaign’s attorney denied rumors the videos were AI-generated, insisting Swalwell is “absolutely a real person” and that his wife and children in recent photos were “also, to the best of our knowledge, real.”

Insiders say lost endorsements are being rebranded as “intentional vote consolidation,” while unanswered questions are now categorized as “hostile scheduling requests.”

As of press time, Swalwell had released a new prerecorded video promising total transparency once his team finishes editing it.