WASHINGTON — President Trump’s Treasury Department triggered America’s zombie recession after cutting off federal payments to dead recipients, leaving thousands of ghosts screaming that nobody wants to pay the deceased anymore, sources have confirmed.
The crackdown reached peak stupidity when two men escorted “Mr. Bob” into a Social Security office wearing sunglasses, gloves, and twelve dollars’ worth of dignity.
“I’m alive,” announced Bob, a Spirit Halloween skeleton, while both handlers moved their lips.
One employee laughed so hard she needed a chair.
“They kept saying he had a rare condition,” she explained.
“Apparently it makes your head say SPIRIT HALLOWEEN, $39.99.”
When asked for identification, Bob’s nephew produced a receipt and demanded reasonable accommodations for his uncle’s seasonal plasticity.
Outside, progressive activists held a candlelight vigil demanding Treasury respect the lived experiences of people who hadn’t lived since 1987.
“Death is a spectrum!” shouted one organizer, before asking whether deceased beneficiaries could still register for November.
A ghost named Earl condemned Trump’s cruelty from a séance.
“I paid into this system,” Earl wailed.
“Then my grandson paid out of it into a bass boat.”
Treasury officials confirmed Bob’s appeal was denied after his elbow detached during testimony.
As of press time, his handlers were returning him to Spirit Halloween, citing manufacturing defects because he couldn’t pass as a Democrat’s dependent.
Sounds about right for Democrats.
If someone doesn’t have the balls to throw their deceased in a freezer and cover up their demise, they have no business collecting their benifits !
What ? Too soon ?
😂😂