MINNESOTA — A Democratic mayor announced that her new gun ban would defeat criminals by finally informing them that breaking the law is against the law, sources have confirmed.
“We believe these individuals simply missed the previous laws,” she explained, unveiling a giant refrigerator magnet reading PLEASE DON’T.
Under the plan, lawful gun owners must complete 87 forms, surrender their firearms, and apologize for making the mayor do paperwork.
Criminals will receive a courtesy email, provided the city can locate their preferred criminal correspondence address.
One gang returned its notice marked “unsubscribe.”
Officials immediately celebrated this as “meaningful engagement.”
Asked whether police should arrest offenders, prosecutors should charge them, and judges should keep repeat violent criminals behind bars, the mayor recoiled.
“Have we tried using a disappointed voice?”
The city subsequently replaced its jail with an Accountability Resource Lounge featuring beanbags, cucumber water, and a revolving door powered by taxpayer frustration.
A burglar requested clarification on whether stolen guns counted.
“Obviously we can’t ask you for a receipt,” explained the compliance director.
“That would create barriers.”
Meanwhile, a hardware store owner was fined for possessing a stapler with “concerning tactical energy.”
The mayor declared the initiative successful after every licensed gun dealer obeyed.
As of press time, criminals had generously offered to steal the PLEASE DON’T magnet so residents could reclaim their refrigerator space.
This sounds exactly like every liberal gun policy!Protect the criminals, but take them from law abiding citizens!
Anyone voting for or supporting any Democrat candidate for any office, anywhere, at any time post-JFK show themselves to be concurrently; seriously ill-educated, gravely uninformed, badly misguided, naïve, morally bankrupt and terminally propagandised…. which basically describes all the Blue State and Blue city voters throughout the Country! Until the corrupt and treasonous neo-Marxist cabal currently dominating the Democrat Party is crushed and the vapid, compromised RINO elements of the GOP ousted, the total cluster that is Washington DC will continue festering, no matter who is in the White House…just sayin’!
If the Government ever did succeed in confiscating every firearm in their City do they really think the murders would stop ? Those Wild Ninjas would be killing each other with Spears and Machetes, Swords . A killer is going to kill ! It’s in their blood !