NEW YORK — President Trump was reportedly devastated after watching the Knicks lose Game 3 at Madison Square Garden, but sources say his mood improved dramatically moments later when an aide informed him Stephen A. Smith still believes he has presidential hopes, sources have confirmed.
Witnesses say Trump paused, looked toward the scoreboard, sighed over the Knicks loss, then burst into laughter so loud arena security briefly assumed Stephen A. had started another sentence.
“That was a tough loss,” Trump said.
“But then someone told me Stephen A. wants to be president, and frankly, I haven’t laughed like that since CNN called itself trusted news.”
Smith, ESPN’s official ambassador of unwanted volume, has reportedly been floating a political future after realizing America’s biggest problem is that not enough people are being interrupted by a man in a suit yelling about leadership like it’s a blown Cowboys playoff game.
His campaign platform is said to include yelling inflation into submission, filibustering China until it apologizes, and replacing State of the Union addresses with four-hour monologues titled Let Me Be Very Clear While Saying Nothing At All.
Trump aides say the president laughed the entire ride home, occasionally wiping away tears and asking, “Wait, he’s serious?”
As of press time, Stephen A. had responded by screaming into three cameras, blaming the Knicks, praising himself, challenging Trump to a debate, and somehow still finding a way to bring up the Dallas Cowboys.
Oh well.
Anyone have any insight as to what the A. in Stephen A. stands for? Go ahead, make my day!
OK, I’ll say it…………ASSHOLE!