Joe Biden has fast-tracked a new relief package to Ukraine that would see millions of dollars airdropped over the country so that it could be burned immediately by residents in efforts to keep warm, sources confirm.
“Have no fear, we are getting this burnable cash to Ukraine as quickly as we can,” said President Biden, to rapturous applause from Democrats. “We hope it’s enough to keep them warm through the harsh Ukrainian winter. And if it’s not? Great news, we have as much of this stuff as it takes. We’ll never run out and if we do, we’ll just print more. So burn it up, there’s as much of it as we need!”
Critics of the relief package wondered if American cash was the most practical supply to help Ukraine stay heated.
“Feels like there’s a better way to do all this,” said this local citizen Glenn Hughes. “Like maybe we could give them some firewood and keep a little bit of that money in America? Am I being insane here? I just think we could use the money for plenty of things here, and frankly, a log is gonna burn for longer than a wad of cash. I’m not sure what these guys are even thinking with this Ukraine stuff anymore.”
As of press time, a cold front had moved over Ukraine, prompting yet another relief package to be approved.
How much money will BIDEN POCKET and claim it went up in smoke??