Virginia Declares Itself “Still For Lovers,” Immediately Confirms None Of Them Love Governor Spanberger

Virginia officials moved quickly this week to reassure the public that the commonwealth remains very much “for lovers,” even as Governor Abigail Spanberger’s approval rating reportedly collapsed so fast it briefly qualified as a historical reenactment of buyer’s remorse, Sources have confirmed

Just 80 days into office, Spanberger has already accomplished what political experts once believed impossible:

Skipping the honeymoon phase entirely and moving straight into the part of the relationship where voters sit quietly at dinner wondering how this got so weird so fast.

After campaigning as a moderate, sources say she governed like someone who found an old progressive wish list in a desk drawer and decided to speedrun all of it before anyone could read the fine print.

Pollsters described the governor’s current standing as “nearly upside down,” while Virginia residents reportedly described it more bluntly as “that was fast.”

Democratic consultants have since urged Spanberger to rebrand the approval slump as “a courageous act of listening,” while quietly workshopping new slogans such as Virginia Is For Lower Expectations and Please Give It A Minute.

Republicans noted that previous governors generally spent their first 80 days building support, not detonating it.

“Usually voters need at least a year to regret a Democrat this much,” one analyst said.

As of press time, state officials were reportedly updating the tourism slogan to read: Virginia Is For Lovers… Just Not Of This Administration.