ANNAPOLIS, MD — Maryland Gov. Wes Moore reportedly unveiled a bold new redistricting proposal Friday after spending so much time outside the state that aides became concerned he might accidentally lose residency, sources have confirmed.
The new map begins in Annapolis, snakes through Delaware, grabs several Pennsylvania suburbs, hooks around Manhattan, and ends wherever a national television camera happens to be operating.
“This is about fair representation,” Moore explained from an airport lounge in New Jersey.
Maryland residents disagreed.
“We’d settle for representation at all,” one voter said while attaching an AirTag to the governor’s motorcade.
Moore’s staff released a helpful chart comparing priorities.
Maryland: rising utility bills, infrastructure delays, bridge construction, budget problems.
Other states: donors, cable news, presidential primary voters, nicer hotel points.
Critics asked whether Moore should spend more time governing Maryland.
His office accused them of weaponizing geography.
The governor then proposed allowing residents of Virginia, Pennsylvania, and confused travelers changing planes at BWI to vote in Maryland elections because they possess “regional democratic proximity.”
Republicans reportedly applauded the innovation.
“He finally found a redistricting plan that removes himself from Maryland,” one lawmaker said.
“We support this map.”
As of press time, Moore promised Marylanders he was fully committed to the state and would prove it personally during his next layover.
Yet the Dums in Maryland will re-elect him because he’s the right shade of Democrat.