ANNAPOLIS: Governor Wes Moore condemned election interference while feeding Maryland through a congressional Play-Doh machine that separated Democrats from everyone needing swimming lessons, sources have confirmed.
“Trump cannot manipulate elections!” shouted Moore, squeezing Annapolis into a noodle and wrapping it around a Republican dentist.
The dispute concerned a fictional Alaska race featuring two candidates with identical names.
Trump requested an investigation after both answered when somebody yelled, “Hey, you!”
Moore called that unconstitutional, then erased a Maryland cul-de-sac for voting incorrectly.
“They’re still residents,” an aide assured reporters.
“Just electorally offshore.”
His new map featured one district shaped like a blue donkey swallowing another district.
“Communities belong together,” Moore explained, connecting two Democratic households with a congressional zip line.
A Republican homeowner complained his property had been divided.
“Your house is fine,” Moore replied.
“We only annexed your wife’s opinion.”
Staff warned that the deadline had passed.
Moore drew a clock with thirteen Tuesdays.
“Fixed.”
The administration subsequently appointed a box of crayons to oversee election integrity.
Red was immediately recused.
Asked why Democrats needed such elaborate boundaries, Moore demonstrated by shaking an Etch A Sketch until a Republican disappeared.
As of press time, Moore declared his map fair after giving Republicans their own district: a waterproof ballot box strapped to a confused crab
