After Dodgers outfielder Teoscar Hernández reportedly fled his Milwaukee hotel in fear of a “spiritual encounter,” Senator Chuck Schumer arrived at the scene within hours, sources have confirmed.
Witnesses say the longtime lawmaker appeared carrying a bundle of voter registration forms and a portable crystal ball.
“Any presence capable of moving objects and whispering in the dark deserves representation,” Schumer allegedly told staff while searching the lobby for cold spots and undecided souls.
“If they’re haunting Wisconsin, they’re basically constituents.”
Hotel employees described the senator wandering the halls with a local medium, mumbling about “phantom ballots” and “spiritual outreach.”
One shaken guest claimed to overhear Schumer asking the psychic to summon the spirit world to help his “progressive partners” ahead of next year’s elections.
Another witness reported that the séance took an unexpected turn when Schumer whispered a request to have AOC “haunted, just a little,” explaining that “it might calm her down before the next TikTok video.”
As of press time, Schumer was last seen staring into a fog machine, convinced he’d found the ghost for the job.
Chuck is going to be 75 in November – he isn’t aging that well. He should “pass the baton” and retire… before he is the ghost.
So true!
Agreed!
Poor old coot
What a joke !
Schumer And Every Democrat are the children of Satan himself. He probably hired Bruce Springsteen’s witches to put a spell on her. But when you are evil to the core Not even their spells can reach their targets
He needs to stop trying. Her evil can match his . The only difference is . She doesn’t have the intelligence of a rock Thats why she is always a
scrambled idiot. Those who keep putting her into office will die of hunger and cold before she stops stealing from our treasury Look up how much she already has gotten