SALEM, MA: Progressive activists unveiled a Halloween witch hunt after Chris Rock suggested the outrage industry had gotten carried away, sources have confirmed.
Organizers arrived carrying pitchforks, ring lights, and axes purchased through a nonprofit called Lumberjacks Against Cutting Things Down.
Their first suspect was a suburban father whose twelve foot skeleton wore a MAGA hat.
“That skeleton has benefited from generations of white bone privilege,” declared organizer Autumn Grievance, demanding its removal and a public apology from the calcium industry.
The mob then detained a pumpkin for grinning during a national conversation about trauma.
Rock appeared with a microphone and asked whether anyone actually had evidence.
Several activists recoiled, insisting evidence was a colonial practice invented by people hoping to be acquitted.
A Spirit Halloween immediately hired the entire mob as animatronic decorations.
Customers praised their realistic shrieking, although management unplugged one employee who kept demanding reparations from the fog machine.
Trouble erupted when an actual witch arrived, selling broomsticks.
She was accused of capitalism, unauthorized flight, and refusing to surrender her black cat’s veterinary records.
The witch declined to curse the activists, explaining that somebody had clearly beaten her to it.
As of press time, the mob had canceled Halloween for encouraging children to knock on strangers’ doors and expect free stuff without first establishing a federal agency.
Hang on people, Halloween is coming and it wouldn’t be surprising to see this actually happening.
Hahahaha!! To funny, love it. Wonder what the world will think of us in 100 yrs. Or will they just rewrite the history books.
I’m afraid we will soon earn the place as the next self-destroyed nation. There are not enough people using/teaching common sense. People who lead with fact and logic, rather than their heart, emotions, and sound bites.
It is a feeling I had never thought I would have while I was growing up!
I hope Chris gives them some “Tussin!”
That shit cures everything !