A disgraced “lawn guy” turned a client’s empty home into a rowdy rave while they vacationed, sources have confirmed.
The homeowners, expecting a neatly trimmed lawn, returned to a scene of suburban anarchy: beer cans littered the floor, the couch was upside down, and the garden gnomes were repurposed as beer pong props.
Neighbors reported blaring music, a makeshift slip-n-slide on the front yard, and a conga line spilling into the street.
“This wasn’t lawn care; it was lawn warfare!” one resident raged.
The culprit, now dubbed “Turf Terror,” claimed he was “testing the irrigation system” with his buddies.
Police, shaking their heads, cited “epic failures” in basic decency.
Right-wing pundits pounced, blaming “liberal entitlement” and “woke gardeners” for the fiasco, warning it’s what happens when you let “hippie landscapers” near your property.
The homeowners, still scrubbing glitter off their walls, swear they’ll never trust a guy with a leaf blower again.
As of press time, Turf Terror was pitching a reality show: Mow Hard, Party Harder.
