CHICAGO, IL — Oprah Winfrey reportedly became an instant frontrunner for the 2028 Democratic nomination after demonstrating the party’s most important modern skill: enthusiastically embracing people yesterday and pretending not to know them today, sources have confirmed.
Campaign consultants immediately unveiled her slogan:
YOU GET A POSITION! YOU GET A POSITION! EVERYBODY GETS A NEW POSITION!
Her platform reportedly comes printed on reversible cards.
Monday: “Dr. Phil is wonderful.”
Tuesday: “Dr. Oz is brilliant.”
Wednesday: “Who are these men?”
Thursday: “Republicans weaponized my television career.”
Friday: “Please focus on the future.”
Democratic strategists were stunned.
“She’s incredibly wealthy, lectures other wealthy people about wealth, changes positions gracefully, and expects voters to forget,” whispered one adviser.
“She’s basically overqualified.”
Researchers at the Center for Strategic Forgetfulness then announced marijuana legalization may have accidentally created the perfect electorate: millions of Americans unable to remember what politicians said before lunch.
Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz reportedly arrived outside Oprah’s mansion carrying old photographs and a boombox like rejected boyfriends in a 1990s romantic comedy.
Oprah closed the curtains.
When a reporter asked whether proposed taxes on billionaires would include her, the press conference ended abruptly.
As of press time, Oprah denied distancing herself from anyone and urged Americans to remember whatever she says tomorrow.
Its not Oprah forgetting. Both dr.s Phil and oz changed from when she first introduced them. The 2 men have become far right enthusiasts. They should be forgotten and shunned.
FUNNY how liberals love RICH people.
They fooled her dumbass. She should have made Dr Jeff Gardier famous!
Well said Tim, you are so correct! TPT, better than the far left fanaticals who want to kill people who disagree with them?! Hey TPT, try a little TLC! Kindness, Love & Forgiveness is an amazing natural drug & JESUS is our example! You should ask Him for His forgiveness for your hardness of your heart! Trust in Him! Mel Foote, Ret.TSgt, USAF
Amen!!!!
Ok, Dailyscrap, Here we go again! Where is my post where I agreed w/Tim that I posted nearly 20 minutes ago? It’s was a short reply! You did this same thing to me a couple of months ago! Not posting one if my posts! This is exactly what the Bleeding Heart Liberals Do! You know the mainstream media only posting what they agree with! I thought you were better than that? How many other folks are you doing this too? Ludicrous! Mel Foote, Ret. TSgt, USAF
Hey Dailyskrape, help me understand your process of posting comments? You’re not consistent! I’ve had longer posts of 2 paragraphs or more and you usually post them w/i 5 minutes or less. I just posted for the first time today in response to Tim over 40 minutes ago a short blog and you took 20 minutes before you posted it, only after I sent you a second one questioning your integrity! I see that your not like our mainstream media here in America. But, you need to be consistent with the time it takes you to post your readers comments! Mel Foote, Ret. TSgt, USAF
Isn’t she good friends with and a supporter of Dr. Fauci?