AUSTIN, TX — James Talarico reportedly forgot to drink his political happy juice Tuesday and accidentally said the quiet part out loud, declaring capitalism oppressive while standing beneath lights, cameras, microphones, and campaign infrastructure purchased almost entirely through capitalism, sources have confirmed.
Staffers immediately rushed the stage.
“Sir, please stop dismantling the system until payroll clears.”
Talarico insisted capitalism must be replaced before checking his phone, ordering coffee through an app, riding in a privately manufactured SUV, and asking whether the campaign’s online store had restocked the $32 anti-capitalism shirts.
“It’s about principle,” an aide explained.
“Who manufactures the shirts?”
“Don’t ruin this.”
The campaign then unveiled its revolutionary economic plan:
Step One: Destroy capitalism.
Step Two: Keep Apple.
Step Three: Keep Amazon.
Step Four: Definitely keep DoorDash.
Step Five: Figure out who makes everything later.
DSA consultants applauded until someone asked who would fund campaigns after corporations, wealthy donors, private businesses, and profitable industries were dismantled.
The room became dangerously educational.
Talarico quickly clarified that oppressive capitalism should remain operational during fundraising hours.
Republicans responded by mailing him a calculator and a lemonade-stand starter kit.
As of press time, Talarico was still dismantling capitalism from an iPhone while asking supporters to purchase limited-edition merchandise before inventory ran out.
WAKE UP AMERICA! These DSA candidates only tell you to do what they are not willing to do themselves. So they want us to give up everything so that they can OWN it! They should all move to Cuba, Iran or China where their policies will be the same as those governments! Bye Bye DSA!!
Just another Batshit crazy Liberal D-Rat!
Come on. You wake up! The fact that capitalism can be oppressive does not imply it’s never a positive or necessary part of modern life. Complaining about this kind of comment reveals complete ignorance of what capitalism and so-called socialism really means.
There are zero purely capitalist or socialist societies. Probably the only TV pure communist societies in history are small hunting gathering societies that totally share all property or ironically the early Christians who did not believe in personal property, like their leader Jesus.
Does the fact that Republicans, including MAGA, enjoy the benefits of police protection and fire departments, social security, public schools etc. mean they’re hypocritical socialists? Of course not! Modern life depends on capitalist and socialist elements in their economic systems everywhere in the world from USA to Sweden, Russia (as capitalist as you can get), to China who has beat us at our own capitalist game. Just think about it rather than foam at the mouth—and this means both rightwingers and lefties! Good will to all!
Talarico is the back end of a horse…..not the left side or the right side …..but dead center.