WASHINGTON, D.C. — Progressive activists demanded more American jobs Tuesday before immediately clarifying that jobs involving steel-toed boots, alarm clocks, grease, welding sparks, forklifts, or standing for extended periods may violate several personal boundaries, sources have confirmed.
The crisis began after reports showed factory job openings climbing to a three-year high.
“This is incredible,” one official announced.
“Hundreds of thousands of manufacturing opportunities!”
A TikTok activist slowly lowered his ring light.
“Like… actual work?”
Silence.
Recruiters unveiled positions building machinery, electronics, vehicles, tools, and products Americans actually use.
Applicants responded with several reasonable questions:
“Can I work remotely?”
“No.”
“Can I manufacture the transmission from Starbucks?”
“No.”
“Unlimited mental-health Wednesdays?”
“Also no.”
One socialist organizer became especially confused.
“You mean workers share the workload and then receive money?”
“Yes.”
“That sounds suspiciously like our thing.”
“Except you have to do the work.”
He immediately left.
Factories nevertheless continued expanding as Americans willing to learn trades discovered the controversial economic concept of exchanging useful skills for increasingly valuable paychecks.
Meanwhile, several aspiring influencers announced they were still “between opportunities” while recording videos titled CAPITALISM GAVE ME NO OPTIONS beside three unanswered recruiter emails.
As of press time, American manufacturing was hiring while thousands of critics remained bravely committed to producing absolutely nothing.
Pretty much dead on. I do enjoy your daily observations. Thanks
I tell today’s young people that no matter what one’s career aspirations are, it is always a good idea to develop skills in one or more of the trades. True job security lies in being able … and willing … to rise to the ever-changing demands of the job market. I have done both white-collar and blue-collar work over the years, and have always enjoyed working with, and learning from, true professionals in any given field. My skills in the trades have also saved me a lot of money in home, appliance, and automotive repairs, and I love the balance of being able to do both intellectual and hands-on “real” work. Theodore Roosevelt said it best, “Life offers no greater reward than the opportunity to work hard at work worth doing.”
On of my colleagues who does some hiring in our firm said one interviewee – who knew the position requires being onsite – said he has to tele-work due to his “social anxieties.” LOL. That is as far as the interview went.
Propaganda bs. Just where are the plants.
Is that you up there in the illustration? Smell ya later