Three years after painting the message “End Racism” in each end zone of every stadium, the National Football League has declared the campaign a resounding success and has begun considering which of society’s ills to solve next, sources have confirmed.
“We knew the end zone thing would work,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “People made fun of us, people laughed at us, people said we were trying to cash in on the social climate of the moment in the shallowest way possible, but we’ve proven them all wrong today. We’ve achieved racial harmony in the United States, and we couldn’t be happier about it.”
“Hopefully this will be the enduring legacy of the NFL,” he added. “And not all that CTE stuff.”
Football fans across the nation are now feverishly anticipating the league announcing their new end zone slogan.
“This is huge,” said local football fan Todd Carter. “I’m so glad the NFL is finally committing to doing something good. Maybe they can write ‘Tax the Churches’ or ‘Hey Mary, Please Answer Todd’s Calls’ next, and continue to use their platform to help us common folk out.
As of press time, the NFL had decided the new message displayed in end zones would read “Please Gamble On Our Product.”
