An update to the long standing Presidential Fitness Test administered to the nation’s school children has been updated to reflect the standards of our 46th President and is now merely asking children to tie their own shoes, sources have confirmed.
“Oh wow, this is the first time I’ve actually gotten one of these,” said local eighth grader Simon Barr. “You used to have to do all these different things, and I struggled with running the mile and doing pull-ups. Now that all you have to do is tie one of your shoes over the course of 15 minutes, I think every kid in the class was able to get one. Gosh, we’re all so fit and healthy!”
The Presidential Fitness Test has been held in public middle and high schools since the late 1950s, and has received several overhauls in recent years.
“We changed it up to the ‘Presidential Youth Fitness Program,’ a few years back,” said Kyle Gilbert, the Fitness Ambassador that spearheaded the program. “But it was still pretty similar to the old program. This new one is completely modeled after our current President and seems to be a lot more popular with current students. It’s less grueling, and they all really enjoyed the rounds of applause and ice cream cones they received for successfully tying their shoes. The youth of America looks to be in outstanding shape if these recent test results are any indication.”
As of press time, Washington officials are also prepping a new Presidential Fitness Test in case Donald Trump wins reelection, which mostly consists of walking across town to go to court several times in a week.
