Amazon has announced a bizarre new policy that will see their drivers climb up onto your roof and leave packages there, to deter theft from porches, sources confirm.
“We have finally figured out a way to keep your things secure,” said Amazon CEO Andy Jassy. “And that’s to allow our drivers unfettered access to your rooftops to safely leave your things up there. Our guys aren’t really, you know, qualified to do this sort of thing, so please be patient with them if they make a lot of noise or get afraid of heights once they’re up there. Maybe help them down if they need it.”
Drivers were reportedly upset with the new policy.
“Wow, this is not what I signed up for at all,” said local Amazon driver Cullen Morris. “The long shifts are bad enough, but now they’re instructing me to climb onto the roof of every house I go to like I’m Spider-Man or something. There are some pretty large apartment buildings on my route! I’m gonna have to figure out another job or at least practice my climbing or something.”
As of press time, FedEx had announced a similar policy, except their drivers are just gonna chuck the packages up there.
I do not want packages delivered on my roof!
I’m too old to climb up to get them, and I live alone! Inclement weather is another reason to not have packages delivered on my roof. They can be placed in my carport near the door, and would hardly be visible. If the driver fell, and was hurt, would I be legally liable? I hope Amazon doesn’t implement this policy. I will have to find some other place to buy from on line!
I believe this is Satire
Was the name “Joe King” a clue? Or maybe the regular feature on things that never happened on a given day.
This is BS if this is true. Too many people have health issues to retrieve packages from rooftops as well as this is ludicrous. Also, there’s the liability insurance if something should happen. I also state, here and nown, that any accidents that might happen or any packages damaged will be at the expense of Amazon not on me because I would not pay for it.
News that never happened should be a clue that the dailyscrape is just fun stuff. Read – open your eyes, the headline isn’t always the story.
It’s a joke. However with the way things are these days and the liberals are going, it could become a way of life. With that said, no one will be buying much after they take all your money by way of taxes, unless you have no job, living on government subsidies and have kids and never paid taxes, you’ll do well.
All delivery drivers will be required to wear Santa suits not just at Christmas, but all year round.
Sheila, Bob, please remove your head from your arse before commenting! Everyone knows that is the absolute best place to leave a package. Only problem i see would be bird shat and squirrel damage. What a great way to lower crime. I plan on rigging a rope elevator to make it easier to retrieve the packages!!!!😁
And there is no way the thieves will figure out your rope elevator
I have heard of a lot of stupid things in my life but this one is the best. Do those CEO’s in their Ivory Towers really know what is going on. I am 81 years old live a lone and there is no way I am going to haul out a ladder, get my package and hopefully nothing breakable, go down a ladder with my package and hope I do not fall in the process just to get my package, not to mention in the snow this is worse. If this goes in action I will cancel my prime. This is totally stupid. Some is sitting on their brain.
Kathy, I’m afraid you are the top example of stupid things if you believe this to be true. There are SO MANY clues! This is a satire site! Anyone who would believe these ridiculous stories to be real, will probably vote for Kamala Harris. My lord! The author’s name is JOE KING!! Joking! Get it now moron?
I think this is a great policy. It will us to actually get a little exercise while we retrieve our packages from the roof. I have already hired a contractor to build a “package shelter” on my roof to help protect my packaged from inclement Florida weather. BRAVO Amazon, I can’t wait!
This is a bad idea, if it’s a heavy package it would be awful to place and also retrieve! Just putting the package on the porch out of sight and ringing the doorbell should be okay, that’s what I’ve left instructions to do with my delivery’s. Although sometimes they may be running a little late my dog usually hears someone outside! So that’s my Two Cents worth, hope you have other ideas!
IF this is true, not only is it the stupidest, dumbest idea yet, Is this moronic decision made by DEI hires that have sh*t for brains or could the idea have come from Bezo’s new bride? Besides the obvious potential danger to the delivery person getting the package up there and the person retrieving it and the potential damage to the package, what about the damage to the roof? Who would be liable for the injuries to the deliverer and/or the recipient and the damage to the package and/or the roof? When one thinks that people can’t get any more stupid, someone comes along and proves us wrong. That being said, this is more likely to big a prank to see how many people fall for it. It’s a gotcha. Nobody can be THIS stupid, can they?
You fell for it!
Leslie, who has shit for brains??? I’m afraid you are the prime example of that if you believe this to be true. There are SO MANY clues! This is a satire site! Anyone who would believe these ridiculous stories to be real, will probably vote for Kamala Harris. My lord! The author’s name is JOE KING!! Joking! Get it now moron?
LMFAO this is SATIRE,folks.If people really believe these stories are true,then no wonder our Republic is in the mess that its in.Not to mention so many brainwashed morons voting for Commie-La Harris.This is truly a frightening time for America.
TtHE REAL TEST WILL COME IF YOU RETURN THE PACKAGE. IF THIS IS TRUE, IN MY CASE, THEY WILL
HAVE TO PICK UP THE RETURN PACKAGE FROM THE ROOF. PASS THIS ON TO YOUR “MAMAGEMENT’.
I live on the ground floor of a 3 story condo and I am 90 years old. Rooftop sounds like a terrible idea.
If your 90, I will not make fun of you, even if you are serious. This is a satire site sir, and none of the stories are true. The author of all the articles is JOE KING, (joking).
I plan on installing a trampoline to make their job easier.
The best idea yet for a quick delivery!
Major stupid!!!!
Instead of putting the packages on the roof why don’t you try to hide the packages on the porch. Are your drivers that lazy , they can’t find a more secure palace to place the packages in a less conspicuous place than the middle of the stairs in front of the front door?
This is the most stupid thing! Yeah we will just grab a ladder and take a chance of falling a long with the drivers! Don’t think so are you for real??!
Sandra, Mj and TC, PLEASE tell me that you aren’t going to vote. This is a SATIRE site and none of these ridiculous stories are true! My gosh, the author of these posts is JOE KING (joking). As many people as I see on here, that believe this stuff to be true, again, please don’t vote, because I predict it will be for the other moron; Kamala Harris.
I havent laughed so much in a long time especially at some of the comments. Priceless!
This is only an issue in democrat run states and cities where crime is rampant because it goes unpunished. Everywhere else they still use the porch